Let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me...

I have been contemplating this scripture verse (Matthew 16:24) a lot lately.
"Let him deny himself..." What does it mean to deny myself? To deny oneself means to refrain from one's desires or needs.
These were the very first words Jesus spoke to his disciples, after foretelling them about his death, and resurrection.Yet how much of our lives is spent in trying to obtain, work for, save or demand to have our own desires or needs met? But God will give us the desires of our hearts, right? I get so frustrated when people quote this scripture verse. Because when I hear this scripture verse quoted, it is stated with a very selfish desire. The whole thing is, when we delight ourselves in the Lord, our hearts will desire the right things, that which is according to his word,and He will give us exactly what is according to his word (Psalm 37:4). Jeremiah 17:9 says," The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" We are selfish, sinful, and deceitful in nature. That is why we have to deny ourselves.
The second part in the scripture states, " take up his cross..." We see the cross as a beautiful symbol. Something that is to be praised, as a symbol of life and resurrection. While this is true, it is only part truth. While the cross does represent life and resurrection, it also represents pain, torture, and death. But isn't it easier to focus on the life giving part, and to live according to that? We really don't want to focus on the pain, torture, and death. Especially if that means that taking up our own cross means pain, torture, and death. We will claim it when it comes to our attitudes and emotions. Knowing that we shouldn't act out in our anger, careless with our words, and should be forgiving toward others. That's hard enough for us, right? But taking up our cross means death to all areas of our lives?
The right to make my name known, to be successful in the world's eyes, to live my life in comfort, safety and security?
And to do all these things, deny myself, take up my cross, means that this is the way to follow Him. Yet the question has been in my life lately," What has following Jesus really cost me?" And when the answer is," Not really anything or not much." Than the real question remains, "Am I following Christ?"
The continuation of scripture states," For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done."(Matthew 16:25-27)


Father, forgive me for defining denying myself, and taking up my cross, on my own terms, and still thinking that I am following you. To follow you means to follow according to Your terms. Give me the grace and strength, to love You with all of my life and follow hard after You. May I not seek my own desires and needs to be fulfilled. May everything in my life count for Your glory and Your Kingdom!